| yo |
[Dec. 6th, 2006|07:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | House | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Burrito song (yeah I wrote it) | ] |
How is everyone? Give me a call sometime. Life is great. 408-225-5646. Lets chill. |
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| I just cried |
[Oct. 15th, 2006|10:50 pm] |
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I was sober today and I just cried. I was forced to deal with my emotions more head on. Like feeling them in the first place. I wish she'd call. My life is really nothing anymore. |
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| dawn to dusk |
[Oct. 9th, 2006|10:17 pm] |
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So to recap the past month. Recorded song for album. Got a drummer. Found out ex was already with someone like only a month after we broke up. Had some pretty depressing weeks there. New drummer is a good friend now days. Sort of tried to date people but don't feel I'm ready for that. Layed down drum tracks yesterday. So like that's 7 songs to go now. Drawing up plan to open venue with Pat. Reading book about Bill Graham. Still writing songs and finishing/cleaning up others. It would be nice to get the girl back but obviously you know wishful thinking can only go so far. I think the resentment created by now would fuck up anything of a chance anyways. Her sobriety day is coming up. The 21st. I'm sure she'll feel like shit that day. It used to mean something to her before she started drinking and using again...after she broke up with me. Then the day of our official annivesary being the 26th. She probably forgot that date in her mind by now. Kind of odd ...and I shouldn't know anyways but, it feels like i'm the only one who cares or holds onto memories. I suppose I feel easily forgotten and tossed aside. That probably is the case. So who wants to be my new girlfriend? hardy har har. |
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| getting over you |
[Sep. 7th, 2006|03:46 pm] |
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Yeah. So now I'm getting over her. Like. There's nothing I can do to change anything. So I might as well get on with it. I can do better. I can accomplish more. She'll realize she missed the boat. I'm not going to turn around to pick her up either. Fuck that. She's proven to be a horrible person. Kind of wierd that this is happening now. Ah well fuck it. Hope she has fun getting high and drinking and doing whatever the fuck you do in Oregon. Last time she started shit like this she almost died soo...it's a bit of a slap in the face to me...that she is doing this stupid shit again. She's such an addict. What with her rationalizing and her excuses. She fucking told me she was reading a lot of Alan Ginsberg and she wanted to become a hardcore "beatnik". Like WHAT THE FUCK!? Now life is just a fucking big practical joke when that shit goes down. Anyhow. I'm going to go write songs. |
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| Just |
[Aug. 18th, 2006|04:27 am] |
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I really don't want to play this whole , needy , clingy, desperate ex-boyfriend role anymore. I've grown weary of it. I do want her back and all...but i'm losing my ideals. I need to be stronger god dammit. If she really loved me she will call me . That's it. I'm out of the game. Nothing I can do. I keep thinking there is something I can. But there isn't anything I can do. It's all thrown up in the air. All on her terms. Her rules. Blah blah blah. I just wish this life would wake up from its nightmare. |
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| hmm |
[Aug. 16th, 2006|04:43 am] |
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I just read my whole journal. Interesting. I'm mailing Laura a cd of the songs I wrote about her...for her. She did end up calling and it did seem like a miracle. althoug now. I don't know. Things seem to be getting more and more less desirable. I hope these songs speak better than any letter could. I hope she says "lets start our life together again" something like that. Haha. but once again... that would take a fucking miracle. Haha. Bye.I recorded a song tonight too. Transfering to digital today. Not sure if i should write a letter to her with the cd or...write out the lyrics...or I don't know. Fuck. Life is idk. I just want her back so bad. |
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| your day breaks your mind aches |
[Aug. 7th, 2006|10:11 pm] |
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July. Was a fucking blur. I think this month will be one too. Although out of the blur I have written many a song. I have realized that. I wish Tanaya would call me. Not sure why she stopped talking to me. I wish Laura would call me ...but that is on a whole different level. I don't expect a call or anything from her anymore. If I do get one then there is a god and miracles do occur. I enjoyed the cd release of my friend Robert the other day. It was a packed house everyone had fun. My stomach has been in knots. I lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks. I'm just finally able to keep food down. It's been over a month since I last made love or kissed. I'm not sure if I should just become celibate and just never be with anyone again or what. I'm totally spent. I'm very very drained. I need to relax. I need a massage haha. |
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| writing a lot of songs |
[Jul. 24th, 2006|04:11 am] |
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Been really into lyrics lately. I've been so apathetic yet so motivated right now. I'm motivated to change. I'm motivated with music, yet, I sleep all day and can't find the energy to be a fruitful human in the society sense. I miss Laura. You realize stupid shit you thought about at the time was just stupid shit hahaha I can't really get into detail but uhhh when someone's finally gone you do realize what you had and what you lost. Eugh. I recorded some songs im going to give to her for her birthday. I'm not exactly sure how that will pan out. The songs are more or less love letters. I haven't exactly done that before. I've never felt so fucking miserable like this before. I never thought I could feel this way. The way love has affected me. It's not that I'm lonely. I'm not lonely at all. I'm fucking missing a part of me. A part of me that cannot be filled with another girl. A new girl could be a remedy for lonliness. But, as I said this isn't lonely. It's a part of me that can only be whole again with her back. eugh. |
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| dead |
[Jul. 20th, 2006|09:10 pm] |
Not wanting to believe it's all the same. That the outcome is a vast period of months and years wondering what it would be like if it didn't play out to the cinematic ending. Endings are seldom cinematic in my life or anyone elses. I'm no John Cusack and she's no ...well you know what I mean. Not one to cry at nights for hours on end. Yet here I am. Eugh. Deep inside through the torture of time I still believe it will work out. I'm told not to think this way. I'll try not to. Gotta work on "myself." Of course. A time apart to find out "who we are." Heh. Try not to think of it as such a cliche and try to think of it as something genuine. Cause I know it wasn't perfect. I know there was things to be worked out. Unresolved issues in our separate pasts. Marriage and children. I was never one to utter words about that. Yet here I was. Changed. A recent line from a song I just wrote will close this . "and everyday is a dark mountain of dawn to dusk"
that's the hopeless naked feeling you get when 3 years of comfort and understanding gets torn away from you. The world as you know it. It's no longer. |
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| puting myself out there |
[Jul. 14th, 2006|05:37 pm] |
Some say there will come a day
where happiness goes both ways
Nostalgic for a time that never fucking existed anywas
So much for the childhood God is up Devil down I pray
Always
Too late
I've got some sort of idealized vision in my head tonight
Now if you want to die, be a nighttime angel skin so white
I can't touch what I can't feel but I have some sort of false obligation
I just might be what you taste, your complication. |
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| It's my birthday |
[Jun. 18th, 2006|03:00 am] |
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My 3 hours of my birthday has been spent playing Nick Drake to my drummer Brandon. Haha he was drunk and he wanted me to play him it twice. I'm still sober btw...been 16 days. Uhm talking to this girl Ashley with Brandon up in Mt. Hamilton at our friends house. Anyways. Yeah then this whole thing with this guy following us cause he got pissed that we honked at him for not going on a green light. Like he was parked in the street. Then he followed us for 30 minutes. We ended up parking in a parking lot and he threatened to kill our friend. Saying something along the lines of "you're too young to die and you don't know what I got in my car" . Now i'm home uhm yeah. I'm 20. I'm not a teenager. These years will probably go by fast. then i'll be 30 . yay. I uhm . I wish I was like celebrating with friends of yesteryear. Like Patrick Zarbis or Tanaya Gallegos...or Bobby Daly...but Bobby and I are gonna hang out . Him and I need to hang out more we're just lazy. Matt Crystal. yeah be nice to like see these people. I don't know. Once you are in a near death experience you kind of want to cherish everyone. You don't hate as much either. Fuck man . Life has taken some wierd twisted turns. I'm here though. Show tomorrow. That'll be neat. |
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| life |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|10:31 pm] |
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got to love it. Let's start over? My name is Dominic Miranda. |
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| 12 days sober |
[Jun. 13th, 2006|11:54 pm] |
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I'm 12 days sober right now. A lot has happend. A lot has happend to make me change my lifestyle. To stop talking to certain people who weren't good for me. We finally booked a solid date for recording our EP. We got a good response in SF this past sunday and these two promoter/bookers want to book us in more clubs in the city. Uhm I've been writing more lyrics with more fluency. We have a show coming up on my birthday (the 18th of june) at the cave. I get incredibly lonely at night and can't sleep. I think about like a whole part of my life that I had to let go. I'm very depressed and was depressed to begin with to get me to this point of change. Ah well. |
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| couldn't sleep last night |
[May. 25th, 2006|07:08 am] |
| [ | music |
| | papercuts-poor and free | ] |
So I watched movies. Played guitar. Thought for a while. Did some push-ups. So i'm just gonna stay in for a while. I've fucked up too much and am tired of doing it. My alternative would be to change you'd say but I'll find it easier to become a recluse so I have no actions to speak about , therefore i will not be judged by them. Maybe i'll finally do myself in. I can picture doing it really tired. Just like reaching over to turn your alarm off. Just a reflex. Have to have something handy. Tired of fucking up. Tired of letting everyone down. Tired of taking up space. Tired of using resources that could have been used by someone more likable and productive. Tired of being a son, a brother, a boyfriend, a friend, a musician, a singer, a stranger. I'm not good at any of that. I'm weak in every way. I'm bad at commitment.One too many mornings . I couldn't imagine why people would spend a period of time with me. I'm sorry I can't make up for the hours you lost being with me. hearing me complain or whine. Talk about the future and my failed plans. Sorry if I ever drank too much and embarrassed you in front of people. Sorry if I got angry . I used to have conviction. |
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| songs |
[May. 22nd, 2006|01:09 pm] |
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I like songs. i had a crazy weekend. I miss Tanaya. |
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| people just turned 20 |
[May. 10th, 2006|02:25 am] |
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My friends dad passed away recently. I feel bad for him. His girlfriend seems to be stressing him more than he needs to be. Uhm. Getting older means growing apart half the time. Maybe a little more than half. Perhaps it is growing out of someone or perhaps someone is just too fucked up to sustain something. Either way it eats me up a lot of the time. I shouldn't let it. I have writers block still. It makes me want to kill myself. Sometimes i'm so impulsive that i know if i had a loaded gun ...someday I just might pick it up and point it at my head and pull the trigger without a second thought. I think some people would like that really. I've gotten more criticism for who I am as a person in the past few months more than ever and it just plain makes me fucking depressed. I've stayed really out of the social realm quite a bit. Yet I still get it. I guess everything you do comes back to haunt you . Things you did a year ago are still relevant somehow to your life now. even though you aren't the same person at all. It sticks. I want to be free of expectations lately . Free from the shackles. I want to roam. I want to see Europe or something. Fucking record a lot. Meet women. have a one night stand. do heroin. idk. |
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| Bom BOm BOM |
[Apr. 29th, 2006|11:52 pm] |
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Got done playing a show. It was alright. A few fuckups...sloppyish. Birdmonster were nice guys. Different kind of band. Division Day was good. Hot indie girls were in the crowd. haha . I haven't really checked out girls as much as I should have. I guess tonight I started doing it again. I work graveyard. I do IRS paperwork stuff. I check checks and W-2's for taxes. Blargh. Fawk...I don't know what to do right now. I miss someone so yeah. I think when I miss people i'm the only one missing someone. |
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| keyboards |
[Apr. 19th, 2006|02:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | long long long | ] |
tried out a lady yesterday. She seems cool. Robert Kinsella's song fuckin rules http://www.myspace.com/ajuniperjupiter . It's cool to know someone that talented. My guitarist wrote pretty much this whole song and I love it. Reminds me of something out of figure 8 but not totally. It's its own thing. I can totally picture strings on it though. My band has a show on the 29th with division day and birdmonster at san jose skate. I'd go just to see those two bands.
I miss you. |
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| yeah |
[Apr. 9th, 2006|09:46 pm] |
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I don't want to work. But I have to. and that sucks. Money. Money. Money. so...how is you? |
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| Cat Stevens |
[Mar. 27th, 2006|08:31 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Cat Stevens - Wild World | ] |
I'm listening to him. Weeks been a blur last week at least. *tears out eyes*. Seems like people are doing things with their lives and that is neat. |
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